The Famous, The Infamous, and The Lame
by TearsOfRemorse
Summary: Who would have thought that two girls could be so perverted? And who knew anyone would actually WANT to date them? Little did they know, they'd have to date the Jeep that came with them... KakashixOC GaaraxOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer-- We don't own Naruto, or anyone from the anime... So Don't sue... We do, however, own Katie and Brooke (considering that they are us)**

A warm, soft breeze blew across the open ocean on the Florida Keys. The bright sun shone down and reflected off of the crystal clear blue waters and the shiny scales of the fish that swam amongst the coral reef that lay not far off shore. A group of ten college students stood on the docks as they waited for the fairy that would carry them out into the ocean and back to the mainland. As they waited the young adults talked and reminisced of their three week long spring vacation to the private island in the middle of the Gulf. Memories of hot springs, pool side lounging, volley ball games, drunken nights, who got the shit kicked out of them, and of course who had hooked up with who was passed among the close friends.

Among them were Katie and Brooke. The two girls were closer than sisters and were practically inseparable. Both of them had perverted personalities that would rival any male comedian on the face of the planet, and had both been some of the first to make quick friends with the other island inhabitants, who had then proceeded to show them the best way to party during their stay. To say the least, the girls were the center of attention almost every night, and probably the most sought after people there too. Though all the men had tried to get with one or the other of the two women, both girls had preferred to just flirt with the guys all night before returning to the room they shared alone.

Because of this, and their habit of joking around and grabbing at each other, a rumor had started among the islanders that they were possibly lesbians. But, that rumor had been quickly put to rest when the two girls had been confronted about it by one of the guys that they had both rejected. He had been one of the native islanders and had been drinking heavily before he found his way to the two girls, who were on the pool table dancing together for a group of guys in nothing but their shorts and bikini tops.

The man had drunkenly asked them if they were fucking each other since they didn't seem to know a real man when they saw one. At first, the girls had simply ignored him, hoping that he would leave eventually to find another drink somewhere, fall on his face, coke on his own vomit, and die, but the man had persistently followed them the whole night. When the man had finally had enough of being ignored, he grabbed a hold of Katie's wrist and yanked her back to him, demanding that she answer.

Now, Katie was the calmest and most level headed of the two girls, but one of the quickest ways, if not the quickest way of all, to piss her off was to grab her. She didn't mind if it was Brooke when they were joking around, since she usually played along and had a couple laughs in the process, but when random guys grabbed at her, especially drunk ones, her blood started to boil and her bitchier side came out to play.

The second quickest way to bring about ones own demise was to demand things of her, and even Brooke knew not to push that one too far.

This drunken thunder cunt had just done both.

Seeing the murderous gleam in Katie's eye, and the ass-whooping that was about to ensue, Brooke shook her head in pity as she retreated to a safer distance outside of the bar to wait.

Katie walked out minutes later cracking her knuckles with a smirk. Brooke, who had been watching through one of the windows laughed.

"Feel better now?"

A pleasant smile spread across Katie's face. "You have no idea," She said. "Serves him right though. For thinking he could touch a lady like that."

Brooke gave Katie a dead panned look. "You're a Lady?" she asked seriously. "I could have sworn you had a penis the other night."

Katie punched her friend in the arm as they walked back to their room laughing.

That night had put an end to any lesbian rumors that had been floating around, and had also made some of the guys weary of approaching them for awhile. But that had soon come to pass as the girls continued to flirt and party and Brooke walked around drunkenly and naked, losing her clothes to a game of bingo.

Don't ask how it happened.

After the fairy had finally pulled up and docked, the ten college students boarded the small vessel with the entirety of thier luggage in tow and had taken their seats to continue talking as they waited for the two hour, sober boat ride to end that would bring them back to Miami before they all headed home.

They could all imagine the agony they were all about to endure.

Brooke and Katie watched from the railing as they were carried further and further away from their island paradise by the waves, and were washed closer to the shore that held nothing but text books and ramen meals for them for the next few months.

"So, are you ready to return to our wondrous world of crappy classes, unintelligent professors, and fast food meals?" Katie asked.

Brooke rolled her eyes at her best friend, "Oh yeah… Let me tell you. I just can't wait to get back to Professor Royce so he can tell me that there are more entertaining things to do with my life than become a vet."

Katie laughed. "You mean, like become a hooker? I'm sure Royce would just LOVE that."

"I'm sure he would too… the perverted, ugly, blood belching vagina that he is."

Katie laughed again at her friend as they talked for the rest of their journey home.

When the fairy had finally docked again in the Marina, Brooke and Katie were among the first off the boat. They made their way to the garage that they had parked the yellow Ford Jeep Wrangler in that they had borrowed from Brooke's brother in law's father, Steve, who was a scary looking guy with one eye and a prosthetic leg that everyone called Francis.

Don't ask why.

Loading their luggage into the back, they pulled out onto the freeway and started the five hour drive that would bring them back to Leesburg and their families for a few days before they had to return to school.

Since Brooke was driving, Katie had control of the stereo. It was one of the many driving conditions they had agreed upon many years ago when they had both finally managed to pass their driving tests. Seeing as how they both listened to the same music, it was never a big deal between the two of them, but when Katie came across a station playing songs from when they were younger, Brooke cursed ever making the deal, but had to laugh as both of them sang along in annoying high pitched voices to Brittney Spear's "Hit Me Baby One More Time."

"Hey Kat, I'm going to pull off at the next exit and hit up Wally-World. I have to grab some tampons." She said.

"Sure thing," Katie agreed, "I've got to grab some too. I should probably grab some Midol too, lest someone loose an eyeball."

"I don't think any amount of Midol is going to save anyone from your wrath. You're worse than my sister when you're on your period. I'm surprised you don't shoot laser beams out of your eyes and breathe fire like Godzilla."

"Nah, I don't want your mom suing me for Identity Theft."

Brooke laughed and nodded in agreement as they pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Entering the store that was commonly referred to as Hell on Earth, the girls snagged a cart and headed straight for the aisle they needed, Katie sitting in the cart teasing Brooke about the old man at the cart wrack that had been checking her out, and Brooke swerving dangerously close to walls and shelves when Katie wouldn't shut up.

Thirty minutes and numerous escapes from Wal-Mart helpers and greeters later, the girls had failed to find what they were looking for. They began running up and down the aisles singing the Pac-man theme song while pretending to dodge ghosts that shot from the walls until finally finding the womanly section.

"TALLY HO CAPTAIN!! COTTONY SALVATION AHEAD!!" Brooke bellowed, punching the air with her fist.

Katie jumped from the cart and stole it from Brooke and ran head long for the tampons, barely managing to avoid knocking down everything in the aisle as she went.

Brooke walked slowly behind, avoiding the wreckage Katie had left in her wake, and made her way over to grab a box of the Playtex Pearl. Katie on the other hand had grabbed a box of the generic cardboard ones before making her way back to Brooke.

Meeting back up, the two girls stared at the boxes the other had grabbed.

"Why in the hell did you grab those?" Katie asked.

Brooke looked at her Playtex Pearl tampons and back at the Cardboard ones Katie had grabbed. "Possibly because these ones don't feel like you're shoving a hunk of wood up your vagina hole."

"Yeah, but they don't work as well as the generic ones," She countered, " You see, I have this problem where my vagina bleeds for five days straight without killing me with blood loss, and these tend to soak up the goop better that tends to run down my leg and ruin my clothes otherwise."

"No they don't"

"Yes they do."

"Do not"

"Do too"

"Not"

"To"

"Not"

"TO!"

"NOT!"

Twenty minutes later, the linoleum floor of the store had become a mine felid of Playtex and generic tampons, and pieces of broken mops that had been substituted for light sabers in a reenactment of a Jedi battle.

The two heavily breathing women stood on opposite ends of the aisle glaring daggers at each other.

"Damn you and the force Yoda!" Katie said in her best Darth Vader impersonation.

"Strong within you the force is, Darth Vader, but strong enough it is not." Brooke replied back.

A deep cough sounded at the end of the aisle behind the girls. Katie and Brooke looked back at the two harry overweight security guards that were making their way towards them.

"God Damn it Brooke! See what you've gone and done now? "Katie said, gesturing towards the two men.

"Me? What the hell are you talking about?" Brooke snapped back.

"Yes you. You're the one that grabbed the mops! If it wasn't for that, we probably could have snuck out of here without anyone noticing."

"Ok, so maybe it is slightly my fault, but still! I didn't hear you saying no, either!"

Katie gave Brooke a suggestive smile and laughed. "Brooke, when have I EVER said no? To anything?"

"Well… That's why you're a whore and I'm…."

"Still a Virgin?" Katie suggested.

"Ladies…"

The two security guards had finally reached them and were staring down at them, their arms crossed over their man tits.

Brooke and Katie sweat dropped.

"Uh… hello there, officers. What seems to be the problem?" Katie asked

The bigger of the two men, who Brooke had officially nicknamed "Mr. Mongo Man Boob", scanned the aisle before returning his glare to the girls. "I don't know… You tell me."

Katie looked around nervously, trying to come up with an explanation. "Um... Well, you see, what had happened was… There were these vicious looking sea cucumbers that started growing from the cracks in the floor and--"

One of the guards started tapping his foot.

"You're not buying this are you?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Right… um, shit… RUN!!" Katie yelled.

Grabbing Brooke by the wrist, Katie took off in the opposite direction of the two men.

Dodging through aisles and avoiding the same Wal-Mart greeters that had stalked them down before, the two girls had managed to make it to the toy department before they were cornered by their two dispatchers. They were pretty fast for fat guys.

"Alright now girls, no more playing games. Its time to go." The bigger one said.

"Games?" Brooke questioned, "Who's playing games? Were you playing games Katie?"

"Not I said the Fly. How about you?"

"I didn't see any monopoly game around here."

"Brooke, you haven't played monopoly since you were eight."

"That's 'cause Grandma was a cheating whore who ended up with all of the pink fifties while I got shit."

"No Brooke, you just suck, that's all there is to it."

"No I don't."

"Do Too"

"Do not"

"Too"

"Not"

"Too"

"NOT"

"TOO"

"ENOUGH!!"

The two girls looked to the officer that had screamed. It was Mr. Mongo Man Boob again.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?!"

Matching grins spread across Katie's and Brooke's faces.

"A Lot." They both answered simultaneously.

"Aright, enough is enough. You two are going to leave here, NOW! And you are never to come back, EVER! Do you understand?!" He all but screamed at them.

"Do I hear a please?" Brooke asked.

Both security officers gave them death glares.

"Guess not." Brooke whispered to Katie.

"Alright, Alright… Whatever you say, Slim. We're as good as gone. "

Katie took hold of Brookes arm and started pulling her towards the front of the store.

"But Kat, what about my tampons?" Brooke whined.

"Forget it. We'll get them somewhere else."

Brooke pouted and followed Katie out of the store. Both girls waited until they had reached the safety of their car before busting out laughing.

"Oh my god, that was fucking great!" cried Brooke.

Katie whipped a tear from her eye. "That was hilarious… I don't think I've had that much fun in Wal-Mart since me and Trent got kicked out for hiding in the plant department and reciting Little Shop of Horror lines as people walked by."

The two got in the jeep, still snickering about their little adventure.

Pulling back onto the freeway, Brooke's lead foot slammed on the gas pedal once again. Swerving through traffic at nearly 90 miles an hour, Katie sat in the passenger seat, clutching onto anything that she hoped would keep her safe if Brooke crashed, which at this rate was probably likely. Finally pulling off on their exit, Brooke slowed down to about 85 as they drove, passing a residential area and going through the McDonalds drive through to grab some lunch before getting back onto the road. As they continued they drove into a heavily wooded and swampy area, every now and then passing by the typical Florida golf course.

"Jeez, you think there are enough golf courses in Florida?" Brooke asked.

Katie was flipping through the radio stations again, looking for something decent, and commented offhandedly. "You know these old people… Never too many golf courses, golf carts, country clubs, or hospitals. Florida is God's waiting room; why not make them as happy as possible before they kick the bucket?"

Katie's channels surfing stopped as she came across a song that she knew Brooke would kill her for making her listen to.

Brooke's eyes bulged out of her head as she stared at Katie. "No…. No fucking chance in HELL!!"

Katie snickered and turned the volume up, doing the weird talking hand motions as she sang along to the chorus of "Bye, Bye, Bye"

"Katie, turn it, NOW!!"

She shook her head. "You're driving, so I get to choose the station, and I say we're listening to this."

Brooke groaned in agony, but was soon singing along with Katie as they sped down the road, dancing like a retard in the front seat.

As the song went into the third despised chorus, static started to weigh in heavily on the station. What little sanity that Brooke had, crept back to her as Katie turned the radio off, while cursing the gods, not to silently.

"Heeeellz to the yeah. Looks like someone's looking out for muah." Brooke sang while bouncing in her seat.

"Who in the hell would want to look out for you besides me? You're like a retarded child with a box of matches…" Katie said snickering.

Brooke feigned the look of pure hurt. "It pains me that you think of me that way…" after a moments pause she added, "… can I at least have a helmet??"

Katie furrowed her eyebrows for a minute before she started laughing. Brooke laughed right along side her, but it was clearly fake.

"I can wear my helmet, and you can wear your mouth guard!"

Katie instantly stopped laughing and titty punched Brooke. "Fucking bitch. That mouth guard is for primarily MEDICAL use only!!"

"Riiiiiight…"

They drove in a slightly uncomfortable silence for about fifteen minutes when about half mile ahead, there were several black crows gathering like hippies on the side of the road.

"Ohhh, gawrsh Katie! I told you to NOT bring your fucking devil crows..." Brooke said mocking Goofy.

Katie smirked, "What can I say? They wuv Me." she replied getting stars in her now huge eyes.

"Yeah, yeah..." Brooke replied off hand.

As they came closer to the batch, a strong glare caught Brooke's eye as well as Katie's. Katie, knowing Brooke's sick fascination with shiny objects, started to scream at her.

"No, Brooke...NO NO NO NO NO NO!!"

But alas, her voice was drowned out as the radio came back on blaring Drowning Pool's song 'Bodies' as she made a too20sharp U turn in the middle of the dead road.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!! STOP STOP STOP STOP STOOOOOOOOP!!" came Katie's terrified words as the Jeep started to skid.

Due to their speed and velocity bullshit, the tires left the safety and stability of the road as their vehicle began to flip in mid air three times. The womens screams were echoing as the jeep came to a stop on all four tires.

But sadly, as it always is in these blasted stories, they were knocked out...and drooling...

But that won't be mentioned because that's just embarrassing.

--

**OK, so... I have a new story... **

**Yeah, I know I didn't finish the last one, but, I'm working on it, k?**

**ANYWAY... this is a story me and a friend (DiagnosisUnknown) have been thinking about doing for awhile, and we finally got off our lazy asses and decided to give it a go... so, here it be **


	2. Chapter 2

**The Famous, The Infamous, and The Lame**

**Summary: **Who would have thought that two girls could be so perverted? And who would have though that anyone would want to date them? Little did they know they'd have to date the jeep that came with them… Kakashi x OC and Gaara x OC.

_**Disclaimer: **__As much as I would LOVE to get my hands on Kakashi or Itachi, Me and Brooke don't own any of the Naruto characters, or anything else you might recognize in our chapters, but we do however own ourselves, and it just so happens that they are our OCs. So, NO KIDNAPPING ME OR DIAGNOSIS!! . Please?_

**Chapter Two**

It seemed like hours had come to pass before Katie awoke from the accident to the taste of sand in her mouth. Her head was pounding like all hell and she felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on. Pulling down the visor, she used the mirror to make sure she wasn't bleeding or seriously injured.

Examining her face and scalp, she thanked whatever gods there was that other than the beginnings of a bruise starting to form around one of her green eyes, everything was ok. No cuts or bumps hid amongst her unruly auburn curls or anywhere on her face.

Katie flipped the visor back into place and looked around her. Three things dawned on her in the few moments that it took to take in everything.

The first of the three being that they weren't in Florida anymore…

Instead of the swamps and golf courses so natural to the Florida economy, all Katie could see was miles and miles of nothing but desert sand.

The second thing she noticed was that the windows were down, which probably explained the massive amounts of sand in the car and her mouth.

But the last thing Katie noticed was probably the most important and problematic…

Brooke was missing.

"God Damn Fucking Thunder Cunt! First you get us into the biggest cluster-fuck of the century, and now you've gone and got you ass fucking kidnapped or some shit!!" Katie yelled out, cursing her blonde friend.

"I swear to god… I am NOT battling mummies or giant freaking scorpions just to get your dumb ass back." She mumbled under her breath as she pulled herself from the yellow jeep.

Katie stopped to think a moment…

She took that back…

She would totally fight mummies to rescue Brooke…

But only if Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was there…

'Cause heavens knew that man was an undeniable sex god…

And Katie Loved her sex gods.

Finally managing to get out of the car, Katie looked over the rest of her body to make sure she hadn't missed any injuries and checked for desert bugs that might have decided to make their home on her.

She found long but shallow scrapes on backs of her muscled legs and forearms, a bruise on her chest and stomach where her seatbelt had bite into her skin, and some stick like bugs that had found their way onto the side of her white shorts and gray lace tank top. Removing the bugs and shaking out her curls for good measure, she determined that she was perfectly fine, and hoped that her friend was in the same condition.

Deciding that finding Brooke as quick as possible was probably in hers and Brooke's best interest, Katie began searching the car for any sign of where she might be or was headed to.

She didn't have any luck with the jeep's interior and began searching the area around the car for any clues.

What she found slightly worried her.

Outside of Brooke's door was a set of drag marks.

But Katie found some hope when she noticed no sign of any footsteps leading up to, or away from the car.

"Maybe the idiot just wandered off…" she thought out loud, "Well, she couldn't have gotten too far by herself."

Katie followed the drag marks away from the safety of the jeep and into the blistering hot desert, singing silently to herself.

"Oh where, oh where has my little Brooke gone?

Oh where, oh where could she beeee?

With her hair so blonde and her mind so dim…

How Far, how far could she have gone?"

When the markings came to a sudden stop, Katie looked up at what had to be the biggest sand dune in the entire desert.

Brooke better be damn lucky she loved her so much.

Because this…

Was utter bullshit…

She started her climb up the massive sand dune, her feet sinking in with every step as she made her way up to the top.

"Damn it!! Why in Hell did I choose today of all days to wear fucking Flip Flops!!" Katie screamed as she made it passed the half way point, kicking sand up behind her as she went.

When she finally reached the top, it felt as if the temperature had just skyrocketed another twenty degrees.

"Jesus, and I thought Florida was hot during the summer… This is just freaking crazy…" she mumbled to herself.

Using the higher vantage point to her advantage, Katie scanned the area for any sign of Brooke…

Or anyone else for that matter…

Seeing nothing but more and more sand dunes all around her, Katie decided to head back to the jeep.

"Maybe she found her way back… 'cause unless whoever took her was riding a flying carpet, I should have been able to at least spot some hazy outline of Brooke's gigantic head in the distance…"

Katie turned to make her way back down the massive pile of sand, but as luck would have it, something caught hold of her ankle and caused her to stumble forward and topple down along the side of the hottest thing she had ever felt in her life.

'_OH GOD!! IT'S LIKE LAVA SINGING OFF MY FLESH!!' _ She screamed in her head.

Katie sprung up the minute she reached the bottom and began brushing all of the scorching sand off of her skin and shaking it out of her clothes.

When she had managed to remove almost all of the sand from her person, she looked up to see what she had tripped on.

What Katie saw made her double over in laughter.

Clawing her way out of the massive sand castle was Brooke.

"Water… Need… Water…" she cried out in a dry throaty voice.

"So… thirsty…"

"Dude, Brooke, There's water in the back of the jeep…"

Brooke appeared to barely acknowledge Katie's voice as she continued to pull her body along the scorching sand…

In the completely wrong direction…

"Uh… Brooke… Jeep's this way genius…" Katie told her. "And I'm not waiting for you to drag your slow ass all the way there…" she said, walking off.

Meanwhile, episodes of survivor man and Les Stroud flashed through Brooke's mind as she dragged herself along…

In the right direction this time…

She pictured Les in the desert drinking his own urine to survive.

Brooke stopped to ponder that thought…

'_I wonder….'_

Not wanting to give that idea anymore consideration, Brooke jumped up from the hot sand and ran after Katie, passing her by in just seconds.

"Hurry your big, albino black ass up!!" she called back to her.

Katie stared on at the moron as she continued to run across the desert terrain.

"She'll collapse in a few seconds…"

And just as Katie thought, she soon came across Brooke's sprawled out body.

"Kat… I think I'm going to die…"

Katie kicked her in the leg.

"Get you're ass up, you idiot."

"I don't think I can make it… Please, can you carry me back to the car, so I can die with my air conditioning on? Please? I'm begging you!" Brooke cried out in a half dead voice.

Katie rolled her eyes.

"You're not dying; now get up so we can get back to the car. It's hotter than Satan's balls out here."

"But Katie…"

"I said No Brooke…"

"But…"

"NO!!"

"Katie-Bear!!"

"You know what?? I'm just going to leave you here and go back to the car by myself and get a nice cold drink of refreshing water." She said, smirking down at her friend. "If you care to join me, then be my guest."

Brooke jumped up and punched Katie in the arm.

"You're such a bitch, you know that right?"

Katie shrugged her shoulders.

"We all have our jobs to do… Mine is being a bitch… and unfortunately for you, and everyone else, I excel at what I do…" she said with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah… I could have really been dying back there, ya know… And you would have just left me there for the buzzards. Some friend you are."

"Ahh, but you see, you weren't really dying back there, now were you? So, no harm, no foul."

Brooke glared at her as they made their way back.

Katie ignored the looks Brooke was throwing her and laced her fingers together behind her head as they walked, eyes half open.

"Oh shit…"

Katie looked over at Brooke's quiet outburst.

"What? Lose something?" she asked.

Brooke's jaw dropped as she shook her head from side to side.

"What is it then?"

Brooke pointed her finger to something ahead of them and Katie turned to see what had her friend so dumbfounded.

Katie's jaw dropped along with Brooke's.

Directly ahead of them was another massive sand dune.

"Oh God…"

Unlike the one Katie had climbed before in her search for Brooke, this sand dune was about fifteen feet tall and a hell of a lot wider, easily dwarfing the one Katie thought had to have been the biggest one in the entire desert.

"Can we go around it?" Katie asked.

Brooke shook her head.

"It looks like it would take longer to walk around it then to just climb up and over this one." She responded.

This time it was Katie who started whining.

"But, 'tis massive, Cap' in!"

Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Seriously Brooke… Look at that thing! It's almost a ninety degree angle straight up!" Katie complained.

"Yeah, but it'll be quicker to climb up and slide down the other side then to walk around it and all the other sand dunes and possibly get lost." She said, "Besides, you know how good you are with direction. Your sense of direction is almost as bad as your cooking skills."

Katie threw her hands into the air.

"You burn Jell-O ONE FREAKING TIME, and all of the sudden you're the world's worst chef!! What the hell?!"

"Katie, it was in the refrigerator… It takes one seriously fucked up chef to burn something while it's in the refrigerator to COOL OFF!!"

Katie began mumbling profanities under her breath and started making her way towards the massive pile of sand.

"No one likes a mumbler, Katie!" Brooke said in a sing-song voice.

After what seemed like foreeeever, Katie and Brooke finally managed to overcome the sand dune from hell. Both were panting and sweating as the collapsed onto the hotter than fuck sand.

"Oh...my...fucking...GAWD!!" she gasped rolling onto her back.

Brooke said nothing as she managed to stand after the near impossible feat. Looking down at Katie, she decided to help her by pulling her up by her hair.

"OW OW OW OW OW!!" Katie bellowed as she slapped Brooke's arm. "Bitch..." she mumbled.

Katie rubbed her sore scalp with a small whimper. "By the way, I forgot to ask you earlier if you got hurt at all in the crash."

Brooke began looking herself over. "Um… Not that I can see. I'm just really sore is all. But, I can't check my back or anything. Mind giving me a hand with that?"

Katie shrugged her shoulder and motioned for Brooke to turn around. As she checked for bruises or anything, Katie took the time to really take in her friend's appearance and compared it to her own.

Brooke had always been the prettier of the two girls. She had perfectly sun kissed skin, wavy blonde hair that fell just below her shoulder blades, blue eyes, and an almost perfect body. If it wasn't for her lack of an ass, Brooke could have easily been a playboy bunny.

Katie, on the other hand, was almost the exact opposite when it came to looks…

Well, almost anyway.

They were roughly around the same weight and build, but where Brooke was a perfectly tan 5'9", Katie was almost 6' tall, and not quite as tan. Her hair was also an odd rustic, almost auburn color that coiled in tight curls all the way down her back and usually fell into her green eyes, which always reminded Katie of nasty grass stains on a white shirt. The only thing she really had going for her that Brooke didn't, was that she had filled out more in certain places (aka her ass).

"Hey, Katie?" Brooke asked, interrupting her friend's train of thought.

"Yeah?"

"I'm alright, right?"

"Yep, just peachy…" she said with a smile. "Though, I think the accident might have jump started a few of your brain cells."

Brooke flipped Katie off and adjusted her black muscle shirt and cameo shorts.

"Who would have thought that hitting your head would have made you smarter?" Katie snickered.

Brooke glared at her, but then smiled evilly.

"Hey, last one to the car has to buy Starbucks."

Katie gave her a blank look and with new-found energy, started to run in the direction of their destination. Brooke took off after her and they were both neck to neck.

Suddenly Brooke stopped, causing Katie to stop and look at her puzzled.

"Holy Mary, Mother of FUCK!" she cursed at she picked up what was probably the ONLY damn stick in the desert and took off running faster than before.  


What neither Brooke nor Katie noticed, was the rather larger spider on said stick that was flicked into Katie's thicker than hell hair. As she went to scratch an unfamiliar itch, Katie was met with multiple beady red eyes.

"IEEEEE!!" she screeched.

Nanoseconds later found a newly dug hole with a half-dead spider in it, and Katie shoveling dirt onto the hissing carcass.

Katie, as confused as she had ever been in her life, looked towards the jeep and saw what made her partner in crime so upset. No...That was to flimsy of a word.

Brooke was fucking murderous.

Not even fifty feet away from Katie, by the jeep, were three unknown people...with sharp pointy objects...poking the jeep.

Which was bad...uber bad.

Why?

Well, as you already know, the jeep was borrowed by Brooke's brother-in-law's father who cherished the yellow beauty more than his wife and only son. And this made Brooke disposable...very, very disposable. And that didn't even factor in how pissed her brother-in-law would be when he found out not only were there dents in the roof from the roll-over, but large, paint less gashes on the doors.

Yeah...Katie could kiss her best pal goodbye when they got back home.

She snapped back to reality when she noticed Brooke screaming horrid profanities and huge words at the trio that Katie was sure even Brooke didn't know the meaning of, but sounded menacing enough.

Katie even thought she heard a few Dr. Seuss words in the mix too...

She started running to catch up with Brooke as she finished another tirade of mind blowing insults that would make even Chuck Norris cry.

And everyone knows his tears cured cancer.

"You mother fuckin' ass kissin' walrus fucks!! What the fuck do you think you're doing?! I'm gonna go fucking ballistic on your asses! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck FUUUUCK! I'M A FUCKING CUNT HAIR AWAY FROM RAPING YOU FUCKS A NEW ASSHOLE!!"

Katie almost felt sorry for the poor startled pedestrians.

Almost.

Katie managed to get a hold on Brooke and get her into a strange full-nelson type hold and wrestled the stick from her hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK KATIE!!" Brooke screamed when she had managed to free herself from her friends choke hold.

"You need to calm the hell down, that's what." Katie snapped back. "You're going to get our asses killed if you try and pull shit like that! Did you happen to miss the fact that they have KNIVES in their hands!?"

Brooke looked over at the trio, who had pulled out more knife-like object and had continued to poke at the jeep in curiosity.

"I really don't care!!" Brooke said. "Now give me back the damn stick so I can kick their desert loving asses before they pop my damn tires!! I don't have anymore spares, seeing as how we used them to make tire swings in your damn backyard!! "

Katie sighed and smacked Brooke in the side of the head.

"Calm your ass down, NOW!! All we have to do is talk to these guys and get them to stop. Now shut up and follow me."

Katie lead the way back to their jeep, all the while, Brooke followed, picking up random pebbles and throwing them at Katie's ass.

When they finally reached their vehicle, Brooke pushed her way passed Katie and started in again on the group surrounding her car, waving her arms around wildly and cursing like the Grand Puba of all sailors.

Katie took in the three that had abandoned their torture of the poor car and had taken up defensive stances against Brooke.

Of the three, there was only one girl, a blonde with strange fishnet stockings and clothing on.

Katie instantly dubbed her the bimbo of the group.

Of the two men, the oddest had to be the one with the face paint and hoodie on. He reminded Katie of a Muppet, and deemed him as such.

The last of the three was a ginger headed guy with some odd symbol painted on his forehead and some type of giant gourd strapped to his back, making him resemble a camel.

"_Ok, so we have Blonde Bimbo, Mr. Muppet, and Ginger Camel… Great…" _Katie thought to herself.

The three appeared to be relatively around the same age as Brooke and herself.

"Brooke, why don't you go and see if the car is still running, instead of harassing these people."

Brooke gave Katie a dirty look and marched off to check on the car.

Seeing that she wasn't going to try and attack the strangers, Katie sighed in relief and decided to try and play peacemaker…

That is… Until she heard them talking to each other…

In a completely different language…

"Oh shit… we're in trouble…" she mumbled.

Ten seconds later, praises to every god and goddess known to man was heard coming from Brooke as the car finally started back up.

Katie nearly had a heart attack as Blonde Bimbo pulled out a gigantic fan with such ease and a look that spelled out death when Brooke revved the engine and began driving towards them all.

Brooke pulled the car to a sudden stop beside Katie and honked the horn twice.

"Get your ass in the car. We're leaving before these idiots can pop my tires."

Katie started to slowly back up to the car, hands in front of her to show them that she didn't mean them any harm.

"Brooke… They don't speak English." Katie called over her shoulder.

"What? What do you mean they don't fucking speak English. Everyone knows English."

"Well, apparently these people don't. I think it might be Japanese, or something" Katie said, thanking the heavens that she had been an anime junkie for the better part of her teenage years.

"Then use sign language or something. But get your ass in the car!"

She rolled her eyes. The only sign language Katie knew was how to say Hello, I Love You, Rock On, the universal sign for masturbation, and fuck off.

And with Katie's luck, they'd probably only know the last one.

Waving one hand in front of her face to ward off an ambush, Katie reached behind her and slowly opened the passenger side door and climbed into the car, rolling the window up as quickly as possible. But, before either of the girls had a chance to hit the locks, the back doors opened and their new friends joined them in the car.

Brooke's eyes bulged out of her head when they turned to find Ginger Camel giving them death glares from the back seat.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY CAR?!" Brooke screamed at them.

"Uh Brooke…"

Brooke's seething anger turned to mild fear and astonishment when she noticed the knife that the blonde had pressed to her friend's throat. But her fear soon became raging hysteria when a collar of sand found its way around her own.

The Ginger Camel dude leaned up between the front seats and whispered menacingly to Brooke something in his foreign language, and she understood to some extent what he wanted when the collar tightened slightly.

Katie tried to keep her neck as far away as possible from the sharp blade in front of her.

"Damn it! Its times like this that I wish our crappy high school would have taught Japanese instead of German. At least then we'd be able to somehow get it across to them that we come in peace, or something." She said.

"Katie… Less Complainie, More thinking of how to get our asses out of this situation… ie.."

Brooke, not waiting to hear what idea she came up with, slammed her foot on the gas pedal, propelling everyone's heads back into the head rests and causing the knife and sand to fall from their throats.

Katie fumbled for her seatbelt as Brooke drove the car in the direction of a green haze that lay not to far off in the distance.

Seeing the startled looks on the faces of the three in the back, Brooke laughed as the ground they were driving on become increasingly more firm and the car picked up more speed.

Katie became panicked as Brooke started pushing 90 miles an hour and numerous rocks, increasing in size, started to appear in front of the car, with Brooke swerving around them.

Brooke kicked the car into four wheel drive as the path they were making grew more intense.

"GOD DAMN IT BROOKE!! STOP THIS CAR NOW BEFORE YOU GET US INTO AN EVEN BIGGER ACCIDENT AND WE END UP SOMEWHERE EVEN MORE DANGEROUS THEN WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW!!"

Brooke looked at Katie before giving her an appreciative smile and attempted to push the car faster, heading headlong for the trees that would have taken them nearly twenty minutes to reach going the normal speed limit.

Realization dawned on Katie, and with a quick movement, she had unbuckled herself from the safety of her seat and had dove toward the driver's side, grabbing a hold of the steering wheel.

The car began to swerve dangerously as the two girls fought for control of it, but Katie managed to give the wheel one long sharp tug, causing the car to turn away from the trees at the very last second, and Brooke to slam on the breaks.

When the car finally came to a complete stop, Brooke could see the murderous look in Katie's eyes.

"Just what the fuck was going through your mind just then??" She said quietly.

Brooke smiled innocently…

Oh Yeah…

Katie was pissed…

"Well… I was thinkinging…"

Katie gave a low snort at irony behind that word.

"That maybe we could get home again if we recreated the accident from earlier." Brooke continued.

"Oh, and were you planning on taking our three friends with us too?" Katie said, all too sweetly.

Brooke looked into the back of the car at their stow- a- ways. The look of sheer terror on their faces was priceless.

The blonde was clutching the back of Katie's seat with one of her hands, while the other gripped her chest as she attempted to slow her heart rate.

Mr. Muppet had a death grip on his chair and seemed to be panting heavily.

Sitting between the two was the ginger, who seemed to have done better than his companions. His eyes were slightly bulging out of his head and his jaw had dropped open.

Brooke snickered in silent laughter. From the looks on their faces, she guessed that this had been their first experience with an automobile, and she new it hadn't exactly been a pleasant one, seeing as how she had almost hit 140 and tried to kill them all.

Not exactly the best first impression of future technology.

Katie looked back at the three as well, and had to hide her laughter behind her hands as she tried to keep herself from hyperventilating like she always did when she laughed to hard.

The three were slowly regaining their composure after their near death experience, and it was Mr. Muppet who found his voice first.

He began saying something to his two companions, while pointing a finger at the girls, who were in the front seat holding their sides in laughter, and gesturing to the car they were all in.

The blonde nodded in agreement with face paint boy, and the three quickly disappeared into the trees.

It was several minutes before the girls calmed down enough from their laughter to see that they were once again on their own.

"Well… That was definitely a once in a life time experience." Brooke said.

Katie nodded in agreement. "Seriously… but what the fuck was with that sand trick they pulled?? It was beyond frickin' creepy."

Brooke shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, nor do I want to."

Katie leaned up in her seat to crank up the air conditioning before slumping back into her seat, reveling in the cool air that bit into her overheated skin. "So, what do we do now?"

Brooke smirked and revved the engine. "We drive until we find civilization, Kat."

Two hours, and five mixed CDs later, the girls had managed to find a path that lead into the forest and were soon coming up quickly to the end of the trail.

"Brooke… Look up ahead."

Brooke peered through the windshield and saw what appeared to be a giant, massive wall at the end of a dirt road.

"What do you think it is?" she asked.

"Looks like some type of gate. Might be a town of some sort." Katie suggested.

"It looks like the Great Wall of China."

Brooke slowed down to a slow crawl as they drew nearer to the gate, not wanting to hit anyone who might be standing outside of it, only to notice that a lot of people stood there.

And by a lot, I mean a shit load.

And by a shit load, I mean HOLY FUCKING HELL.

"Look Katie, It's a Welcoming Party!"

"Uh, Brooke… I don't think welcoming parties are supposed to have swords and other sharp dangerous objects."

"Maybe it's a cosplay convention."

"Yeah…. I highly doubt it."

The car pulled to a stop right in front of the massive group of people, some of who had unusual masks covering their faces, and others still, who had blue head bands strapped to different parts of their body, all of which bore the same odd symbol.

Brooke put the car in park and sat silently behind the wheel for a moment.

"Kat, why don't you go out and try and play peacemaker with them. I have a funny feeling that the red head with Mr. Peanut strapped to his back might have set this up for us."

Katie's jaw dropped for a second.

"What? Why the hell should I do it?! You're the one who pissed them off when you tried beating their brains in with a damn marshmallow stick!"

"Yes, but one of us has to stay here incase we have to make a quick get away. And, since you're the most level headed of us, I vote you to play negotiator while I stay with the car." Brooke said. "And, since this _is _my car, my vote counts more than yours. Now, go convince them that we're to stupid to do anything dangerous."

Katie growled as she climbed out of the car.

This was bullshit.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Famous, The Infamous, and The Lame**

**Summary: **Who would've thought that two girls could be so… Perverted??? And who would've thought that someone would _actually_ want to date them??? Little do they know that they'll be dating their Jeep, too…. KakashixOC and GaaraxOC

**A/N: **Ok, so after our last SPLENDID chapter, we received two reviews….. Just two, measly, tiny, miniscule, nano-sized reviews…. WTF?!?!?! I know more than just Jounouchi Sama, Gemini II, and Mesuke are reading this. I see you all on the Readers Traffic. O.o…. So, this time, leave some love, and I might be able to persuade Diagnosis to do a trick, Lol.

And you who did review, I thank you for showing your support. Love ya guys ^^

**A/N2: **Ok, sorry about this being extremely late. There was a whole School thing, and being lazy, and almost losing the story thing involved. And We apologize. And as promised, thanks to the extra reviews we got, Diagnosis will be doing tricks at the beginning of the next chapter for your amusement.

PS- Disregard the above AN. We're to Lazy to delete it… and it does hold some importance.

Now, ON WITH THE STORY!!

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto, or any Naruto related subjects, but, we do own Katie and Brooke…. And the jeep… .

**Chapter Three: ****We Can Talk! They Can Talk! I Can Fly! Well… Maybe not…**

An invisible force bound Katie's hands together as she was forced through a door and into a giant office, with Brooke following right behind her in a similar fashion.

Katie looked back at the guy that was escorting her into the room. He was tall, with silver, pineapple-like hair, a mask over the lower half of his face, and one of the headbands she had seen so many of covering his left eye and most of his forehead, making him resemble a Cyclops.

If it wasn't for the fact that he had nearly killed her when he tackled her to the ground, she would have thought he was pretty good looking. But, with circumstances as they were, she was pretty pissed off and showed him as much by throwing the evilest glare she could muster at him over her shoulder, to which he simply smiled and continued to push her down the hall. During one of the many scowls at the cycloptic pineapple, Katie managed to see Brooke and her escort right behind them.

Brooke's hands, in the clutch of a similar invisible force, were secretly trying to find a lock to pick. The voice of the asshole with what appeared to be some dead animal on his head momentarily gave her pause. The smile that was on his face as he spoke told Brooke that she wasn't going to be very fond of him.

"Damn it Katie! Why do you get the hot one?! I always get the creepy fucking old guys!"

"Well, if you didn't dress like such a slut you wouldn't have that problem." Katie replied with an impish grin.

"Excuse me?! I wasn't the one who got invited into my neighbors house on Halloween for a 'Special Party'." She retorted.

"Yeah, but that old guy was rich. BIG difference."

A rather large yelp escaped Brooke as her captor pinched her ass unusually hard for not moving. It was then that Katie almost felt sorry for her friend.

Until she remembered what had landed them in this position.

_After Katie had climbed out of the car, still murmuring death threats under her breath at Brooke, said best friend had decided to honk the horn in encouragement. The simple gesture had only succeeded in scaring the living hell out of Katie, and apparently startling the group that was blocking them from entering the village._

_Katie had turned to yell at her, but before she could utter a single word, what felt like a brick wall slammed into her back, knocking her to the ground. She swore she heard one of her ribs snap upon impact with the dirt._

_A warm, but irritating sensation fluttered over her wrists as they were pulled behind her back by the silver headed guy and locked into place before he hoisted her back up onto her feet, just in time to see the old man dragging Brooke from the car. She came out kicking and screaming, trying to injure the idiot who had dared touch her and the precious jeep._

"_GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!" Brooke screamed as her assailant yanked her out of the jeep none too gently._

_The man said something in his language and smiled pervertedly. While attempting to kick him in the balls, the man began his reign of assault on her non existent ass._

_Brooke yelped and tried to head butt the jackass, but he moved with ease out of the way and forced her to the ground with her hands behind her back. A warm, irritating sensation spread throughout her wrists, immobilizing her. She cursed aloud._

"_Fucking cunt hair ass hole fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! Fucking bow legged pissed off son of a bitch, get the fuck off me!"_

_He paused momentarily and smirked again before nuzzling her neck. Brooke immediately tensed, and then started to kick at the bastard even more ferociously._

"_Brooke, maybe if you shut the FUCK up and stop trying to castrate these guys we might actually survive!"_

_Brooke stopped for a moment. _

"_At this point, if I were to be struck down by the Grand Pubah himself, I wouldn't give a shit as long as I could take this ass with me!" _

"_I'll buy you porn if you stop."_

_Brooke raised a sweaty brow. "What kind?"_

"_The kind that's illegal in 12 states and doesn't have girls with big gaps between their teeth making faces." Katie said pleadingly._

_Brooke thought a moment, then happily conceded. _

Katie snapped out of her daze as Brooke and her were brought before a set of giant double wooden doors. The kind of doors that only rich old farts can afford after fifty years of running some expensive oil company.

The ornate doors opened to reveal what appeared to be a meeting room. A long table stretched across the back half of the room, sitting low to the floor. Behind the table sat close to twenty men and women dressed in similar, but different fashion as their captors on cushions on the ground. Amongst them were the three the girls had come across in the desert.

But, dead center with a look that screamed murder….

Was Tits-McGee.

Brooke and Katie stared dumb-founded

"Duuude… I'm beyond jealous." Katie said.

"I second that my partner in crime," replied Brooke.

The duo was forced to their knees with a grunt before a few of the people sitting at the table spoke to their captors.

Mongo tits arose from her place on the floor and proceeded to speak to the silver pineapple before turning on the two girls and began what they could only guess was an interrogation.

Brooke looked at Katie.

"Ummm… Does she know that we're half retarded???"

"Apparently not…" Katie replied under her breath.

Brooke looked up at the massive tits that seemed to eclipse the woman's face from the floor and began mouthing random words to the woman.

"My God," Katie said, "it's like watching an episode of Charlie Brown in here… Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwaaaaaah."

The woman seemed to be becoming annoyed with the girls' lack of intelligence and began speaking again to the two men standing behind them.

Casting a small glance to the two on the floor, she motioned for two men to stand and join them on the floor.

A man with scars across his face and a man with a toothpick walked behind Katie and Brooke and hoisted them to their feet while their captors walked in front of them to join tits in an episode of the ultimate stare down.

"Holy Shit… What the fuck are they doing now?" Katie asked, slightly panicked.

"I DON"T WANT TO DIE!! I'M TOO PRETTY!!!" Brooke nearly sobbed.

Clearly being ignored, the three standing in front of them began what appeared to be a professional game of Rock Paper Scissors.

Brooke and Katie stopped panicking long enough to stare at them in confusion before a piercing pain shot through their temples, nearly crippling them if it wasn't for the men holding them up.

Images of their spring break raced through their minds eye, followed by their trip home, the accident, and finally their desert adventure.

It seemed, that as quick as it had started, the pain ebbed away and they were once again on their knees in the meeting room, heavily panting.

Katie sat, shaking from head to toe, clearly scared out of her mind.

Brooke looked to her, and for the first time in god only knew how long, she was speechless and terrified.

The people in the room began speaking quietly amongst themselves as the two men holding them retreated back to their places at the table and the old man and silver haired guy again stood behind them.

Brooke looked at Katie as she hung her head low, catching her breath. Brooke then looked back up at Tits only to see her making new signs with her hands.

Brooke's mouth dropped as pain surged through her neck. She could hear gurgling beside her which had to be Katie. Neither of them could make a sound through the sensation that the bitch in front of them was causing.

And in seconds, it was all over.

Both of them were choking for breath as they looked up at their captors.

"Maybe now we can get some real answers…." Said Tits McGee.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Famous, The Infamous, and The Lame**

**Summary:**Who would've thought that two girls could be so… Perverted??? And who would've thought that someone would _actually_ want to date them??? Little do they know that they'll be dating their Jeep, too…. KakashixOC and GaaraxOC

**AN: **Mmmmmmkay….. So, I have one thing I want to say to all of you who are reviewing…. You guys (and girls) and absolutely FANTABULOUS and AMAZING!!! Seriously, you have no idea how happy it makes me to get those little "Review Alert" e-mails. Now, I know it's been forever since we updated, and believe me, it's been a pain not getting this out to you guys sooner, But, now that we've graduated, there will be more updates, but, bare with us. We're a little slow. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

BTW- I have NO IDEA what the currency is in Naruto, but a friend told me it was Ryou, so that's what I'm going with for the story, but its gunna be used as regular money, cause I'm too lazy to look up conversions.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto, or any Naruto related subjects, or anything else that pops up that you recognize, but, we do own Katie and Brooke…. And the jeep….

**Chapter Four:**** Confessions of Teenage Idiots**

"Well, are you going to speak, or are we going to have to force that out of you as well?" Tits asked.

Brooke and Katie sat, completely dumbfounded and scared out of their minds, staring blankly up at their captors from their place on the floor. Whatever force that had been binding their wrists had long since disappeared, and their arms hung limply at their sides.

"Well, Tsunade, I do believe that you have scared them speechless, which I must say, is quite a feat. They haven't stopped babbling since we captured them." Came a male voice from somewhere behind the two girls.

Tits, now officially known as Tsunade, scoffed at which ever man it was. "Now, if only I had that effect on you Jiraiya, life would be so much simpler."

A soft chuckle came from the man.

Katie and Brooke cast each other glances.

"Brooke, they can talk…."

"Yes, and so can you… We can understand every word you say, so maybe the two of you would like to explain your presence here and what that contraption you arrived in is." Tsunade said.

"You mean we can talk?" Brooke asked.

Tsunade nodded.

"Katie… We can talk!"

"Brooke… They can talk!"

"I Can Fly!!!!!" Brooke shouted in joy.

An awkward silence over took the room.

"Umm… Brooke, I highly doubt that."

"Are you kidding?! With this Voodoo shit they have, there's no telling what the hell we can do now! We might as well have been bathed in nuclear waste!" Brooke exclaimed, clearly irritated. She looked up at Tits and scowled. "Do you have any clue the side effects of this shit you're using, or do you not care if you give people cancer?"

A few covered laughs were heard around the room. The two blondes sat and glared daggers at each other. Behind them, a soft whisper caught Katie's attention. It was the man that had spoken earlier, Jiraiya.

"Kakashi, 20 ryou says Little Blondie gets in at least one good hit before Tsunade has her pinned. What do you think?"

By this point, Katie had glanced behind her to watch their bet and watched as Pineapple head, or Kakashi, sighed and pulled out some book from one of his many pockets.

Which lead to Katie wondering why anyone would need so many pockets? Was he a drug dealer?

'_Shit!! We've been captured by the fucking MAFIA!!_'

Katie looked back at Brooke, who seemed ready to pounce and rip Tits McGee's tits off.

"Brooke! Knock it off before you get both of us killed! I'm not dying because you can't control your damn temper!" She barked at Brooke.

Brooke's glare turned on Katie. "Kat, you might not have a problem dying some slow painful death, but I'm not going to suffer ovarian cancer just because Mongo Bitch Tits here doesn't think twice before using her nuclear voodoo powers on people!"

'_That's it,' _Katie thought, watching the fury grow on Tsunade's face, _'We're officially dead.'_

"You're not going to die…"

Katie and Brooke looked back to the table of people in the room. Everyone was looking at a woman with short purple hair.

'_Holy Shit! Is she a mind reader?'_ Katie thought, staring at the women.

"Well, you might if you keep pushing your luck like that… But, Jutsus like these aren't dangerous."

Katie turned back to Brooke. "Yeah, so keep your mouth shut, and we might get out of here alive."

Brooke sighed and relented, but refused to apologize for over reacting.

"So, are you willing to start answering our questions now?" Tits asked.

Katie looked to Brooke, who refused to look up at the other blonde, and sighed before nodding.

"Alright then…" she said, walking back to her place at the center of the table and sitting. "Now, where are the two of you from?"

Brooke let out a quiet snort as Katie chuckled and answered.

"Warm, sunny, 'I'm going to rain on your fucking parade' Florida…" She said, "But, from our trip in the desert, I can only assume we're not there anymore."

Tsunade nodded, her fingers templed as she contemplated this along with what they had seen in the girls' minds.

"Now, mind answering a question for me?" Katie asked.

Tsunade nodded for her to go ahead.

"Where in the hell are we? "

"You're in Konoha. I'm the current Hokage, Tsunade."

Taking that term to mean she was 'The Grand Puba' of the area, Katie was slightly more sure that even if they did come out of here with their lives, their time here was going to be extremely difficult thanks to Brooke's comment about Tsunade's breasts.

"And where, in the seven layers of hell, is that exactly?" Brooke asked, none to politely.

"Konoha lies in the middle of the Fire country."

Brooke sighed, "Thanks that was real fucking helpful."

Katie hit her in the arm and gave her a look that clearly said for her to keep her stupid remarks to herself.

Tsunade ignored the comment and asked her next question. "Who are the two of you exactly?"

"What, your fancy hand game not able to pull out any of this information?" Brooke commented.

Katie gave her another quick punch in the arm. "Would you knock it off for two seconds, please?"

Another sigh, "Fine."

"Due to the… Language Barrier… we weren't able to extract any information other than what we were able to see. But, if you'd like for us to use another memory jutsu, I'm sure we could…"

"NO!" the two girls yelled simultaneously.

"Alright then," Tsunade said with a smug look, "Would the two of you kindly introduce yourselves then?"

Brooke nudged Kat and winked at her. Katie, understanding immediately, jumped to her feet with Brooke and stood back to back with her.

"Prepare for trouble," Katie started.

"And make it double." Brooke finished.

"To protect the world from devastation,"

"To unite all people within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of Truth and Love,"

"To extend our reach to the stars above,"

Each girl struck a pose.

"Jesse!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket, Blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

The two girls looked at each other.

"Crap! Katie, Where's Hoe-mon?! We can't finish our rhyme without him!"

"Oh My Barnacles, Mermaid Man! I think we might have lost him in the crash!"

Brooke gave Tsunade a sly smile. "Tally Ho, Batman! I think I've located… UMPH!"

Katie was on Brooke in a matter of seconds, her hands over her mouth.

"If you finish that sentence, I swear on Everything that is Good and Undeniably Sexy, not only will you not be getting the porn I promised you, but I swear it will be the VERY LAST thing you ever do in this life!!"

Brooke sighed and pulled Kat's hand from her mouth. "Alright, alright… I'll behave myself."

Somewhere in the room, someone cleared their throat and recaptured the girls' attentions.

"Oh… right, sorry 'bout that." Katie said, clearly embarrassed.

"Are the two of you quite finished yet?" Tsunade asked, her irritation with the two girls rising again.

Brooke laughed. "Hardly… Lady, this is us on a good day, which is shocking considering the hell we've been through in the past twelve hours. You're lucky King Kong isn't stomping through your village right now, eating children, destroying buildings, and raping your men."

A pout formed on Katie's lips, "Hey… I'm not that bad… at least I try and keep the buildings intact." She said, pretending to be truly hurt.

Brooke pat her friend on the shoulder as if to reassure her. "It's ok Fuzzy, I understand," she said. Wrapping her arm around Katie's shoulders, she gave Tsunade a prideful look and nodded. "Ok Jesus... We're ready."

Tsunade's face fell into her hands. "This is absolutely ridiculous. Ibiki, take over."

The man with the scars stood again and joined the girls on the floor, towering over them.

"Wow… He's actually kinda scary looking, Kat." Brooke said under her breath.

"He was probably a childhood bully. We should definitely try and knock him down a few notches." She replied.

The large man eyed the two girls intently before kneeling down in front of them.

When he finally spoke, his voice came out in a low growl, "You, Brunette, who are you? What is your true name?"

Katie smirked, "Well Handsome, you keep talking like that and my name is whatever you want it to be." She said, winking at him.

Ibiki's stare grew more intense, his eyes piercing black holes that seemed so scorch the girls' souls. "What was that machine you were controlling?"

Brooke ignored the man's gaze as pride shone in her eyes as she thought of her precious jeep. "It's the ultimate ass kicking survival machine! What the hell did you think it was?"

"Is it a weapon?"

"It wasn't designed for that, but it can be dangerous if you're stupid enough to step in front of it. I mean, hell, even a spoon is fucking dangerous if you're on the wrong end of it."

"Speaking of spoons…" Katie piped in, "I could totally go for some mint chocolate chip ice cream right now… and maybe a pickle"

Brooke's attention snapped back to her friend. "What the…. Katie! Are you Pregnant?!"

"Oh god no!" Katie replied, shaking her head furiously, "I just started my period two days ago!"

"Ohhh, so that's why you're being such a bitch…"

"Well no shit, I haven't had chocolate in who knows how long…"

"Oh no! Katie, what if they don't have chocolate here! What are we going to do?!"

Katie grabbed Brooke by the shoulders a gave her a hard shake. "You can't think like that Young Ass Hopper… We have to keep faith. The force is strong within us!"

"But, if they don't have chocolate… Imagine what else they don't have! We'll never eat another hamburger again!"

Brooke grabbed her chest as if her heart were about to explode. "Katie, I don't think I could survive without my artery clogging hamburgers!"

"Brooke…. Brooke, it's ok… We'll get out of here somehow! We'll go back and gorge ourselves until we're fat kids."

Brooke looked to her friend with a ray of hope, "Really?"

Katie hugged her. "I swear it…"

"Oh for the love of KAMI!!"

Brooke and Katie were drug back from their own little universe by the sound of wood cracking.

Tsunade's fist had left a crater in the table from where she had slammed her fist into it. A faint cracking of electrical energy flickered around her wrist.

"I have had enough of the two of you!" She seethed.

It was at that moment that the Ginger Camel and his band of Merry Men decided to interject themselves into the happenings.

"Yes Gaara?" Tsunade asked.

The Ginger Camel, formerly known as Gaara, leaned over and whispered into the blonde's ear.

"Yes, I agree completely… That would serve as an excellent solution."

Tsunade turned back to the two girls. "Alright…. Until this can be sorted out, the two of you are going to be put under surveillance. And, seeing as how the two of you don't seem to pose a major threat, we're going to allow you to stay in the village, but you will be separated as a measure of security."

Brooke looked to Katie with a look of shock. "Seperated??? But you can't do that!"

Tsunade's brow shot up in a questioning look. "Oh really? And why is that exactly?"

"Because! That'd be like splitting an atom! It's Dangerous!" she recoiled.

"Exactly!" Katie agreed, "It's impossible! We're two halves of a whole!"

"We're KatieandBrooke! Not Katie then Brooke. There's no fucking spaces or hyphens! Its one freakin word! And not you, God, or Buddha himself can change that!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes before giving the girls a firm look. "Regardless of how you believe the universe is supposed to work, you're in my world now. And, according to our laws, I can do as I please, and starting today, the two of you are going to be living apart from each other until we get things settled."

On a cry of pure terror, the girls clung to each other and protested their fury with one word.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Finally, an update!!! Brooke and Me are so sorry it took so long to get out to you, but we had some major writers block with this chapter. But, we hope you enjoy! R&R!!


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